Interview with Kara Higgins, America World Adoptive Mom
Meet the Higgins family! Ryan and Kara Higgins adopted two of their sons through our former Rwanda program. Since then, they’ve started a school in Rwanda, fostered children, and adopted from foster care.
Kara, a certified Trust-Based Relational Intervention® (TBRI) practitioner, helps families with children struggling with the effects of early trauma, abuse, and neglect. Through her organization, Wholehearted Space, she coaches and trains others in TBRI practices.
We interviewed Kara because she has invaluable wisdom to share with adoptive families—especially those navigating post-adoption challenges. Plus, she and Ryan have an incredible story! Read below to learn more.
How did you decide to adopt?
We always wanted adoption to be a part of our family story. Ryan teaches in public schools, and I have a lot of international healthcare experience, so we were aware of the need. We decided to start the process after our second biological child was born.
How did you choose Rwanda as the country?
Quite honestly, we watched the movie Hotel Rwanda and later that week received an email that America World was looking for families to pilot their Rwanda adoption program when it launched.
What have been the blessings you have experienced from adopting?
Where do we start? Adoption has transformed our world. We have a better idea of what unconditional love and grace look like, and we have had opportunities to commune with our Heavenly Father in deeper ways because we have had only Him to rely on as we have navigated the challenges that trauma brings.
What have been the challenges?
A child who hasn’t had their needs met hasn’t built a healthy attachment. Behaviors can be difficult and perplexing. Children who experience trauma and a loss as primal as their first family will need their adoptive families to be equipped to love them in very different and intentional ways. This looks like unlearning the parenting methods and ideas that we thought we knew and relearning how to build trust, attachment, and connection. It’s been a journey, one that we are passionate about.
How did starting a school in Rwanda come about, and what are you doing there now?
In 2013, we were approached by a nonprofit that sent volunteers to work with vulnerable children all over the globe. They knew we had a personal connection to Rwanda. We led a small team of volunteers to an unregistered orphanage that was hidden in the hills of Kigali. No one knew that the kids were there. These children didn’t have names, ages, or any kind of identity. They weren’t in school. They weren’t eating daily. They were the most vulnerable of the vulnerable. We had this idea: “If people knew about them, they would care.” So, we created a profile for each child, went home, and learned how to launch a nonprofit. As the years have passed, we have grown from an educational sponsorship program to a primary school for over 200 street kids who now live in either foster homes or kinship placements. Our school, staff, and families are trained in TBRI, which is an evidence-based, attachment-rich model of caregiving designed to help kids who have experienced trauma begin to heal from the inside out.
Why did you decide to get trained in TBRI, and how has that helped you?
Our son had been kicked out of every school, received every diagnosis, had every therapist, and nothing was working. Out of desperation, we attended a weekend conference that gave an overview of TBRI. We decided we had nothing to lose and tried implementing just a few things we had learned. Immediately, our kiddo changed how he responded to us. We couldn’t get enough. It transformed our whole family and saved my son’s life. I wish that I had learned how to love him this way years ago, and I wish that all parents were required to learn TBRI before fostering or adopting. I tell families when I am training them that this is liberating and allows us to love our kids like Jesus would. Jesus would never send a difficult child to time out! He would never have lectured or shamed. He would have pulled that kiddo in closer, hugged him tighter, and loved him bigger. TBRI gives caregivers the tools to do that with joy!
How have you been able to use your training to help others?
I currently offer TBRI workshops to churches, I teach it weekly at our local family shelter, and I offer trainings to school districts and before/after school care. I have also trained staff overseas in missions communities.
How has your foster care experience compared to international adoption?
We are foster parents in our community, and we currently have a teenager placed with us. We also adopted our youngest through foster care after she went back and forth between us and her birth mom for over two years. Honestly, foster care is this all-encompassing approach that’s drastically different from international adoption because, if your heart is in it for the right reasons, the goal is to see healing and reunification. As a foster mom, my role is to also support my kid’s birth families, to act as a support system and a mentor. It’s hard, frustrating, complicated, messy. But it’s also a needed ministry.
What advice can you give to someone who is considering adoption?
In the Christian world, there’s a lot of language around adoption that implies that it’s the solution. The solution is to heal the thing that causes a child to lose their parent. If you’re going to adopt, you’ve got to embrace the fact that although adoption is a picture of God’s heart, it is also a loss, no matter how old the child is. An adoptee will experience complicated emotions, including grief, in various seasons of their life. As an adoptive parent, it’s essential to have that understanding so that you can give the child the space to feel what they feel.
What about families that have adopted but are facing challenges?
There are resources and hope out there, but you’ve got to get it from people who have been there! Look for counselors who specialize in TBRI. Find support groups online and in person for adoptive parents. Be proactive about finding your people! We experienced a lot of well-intended but terrible advice, especially from people in The Church. When you’re facing challenging behaviors, I cannot encourage you enough to only share with your small circle. Your child deserves for you to protect and honor their story. Sharing too much with those who don’t have insight into the specific hurts an adoptive child has will only make you feel more isolated and your child further judged.
Do you have anything upcoming I should tell people about?
I do have another online course that starts May 18. Here is my website link: https://wholehearted-space.com/
A huge thank-you to Kara for sharing her story with us! Just to be clear, we don’t receive any financial benefit from sharing her work, nor do we have a financial partnership with her. We simply love highlighting the incredible journeys of families who have adopted through us!
Learn About Adoption
If the Higgins’ story inspired you, we invite you to explore international adoption. While Rwanda is no longer open, we have meaningful partnerships with other countries where children are waiting for loving families. Visit our Learn About Adoption page to find the right program for your family, or browse our Waiting Child Photolistings to learn about children in need of a home.
