My playlist starts with Dominic and it ends with Dominic.
Until July 28, 2022, I considered Beautiful Boy a happy song. It’s John Lennon delighting in his young son Sean (yet it always made me wonder how the song landed for his other son, Julian Lennon.
Before you go to sleep
Say a little prayer
Every day, in every way
It’s getting better and better
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful
Beautiful boy
The sudden and tragic-to-infinity loss of Dominic at age 17 changed everything in the lives of my family, including the flavor of this song. I played it continuously in the hours, days, and weeks after Dominic’s death. Now, instead of celebrating the delight John Lennon was basking in, it was mourning all that my family had lost.
(Speaking of loss, Beautiful Boy was released less than a month before the Sean lost his father to murder. He was 5.)
In the latter months of 2022 I would sit at my desk listening to Beautiful Boy on repeat and sob. I would listen on Spotify while walking the dog and give my tears to the wind and the earth. I would lay in bed at night while Alexa played it on repeat until my pillow was soaked. Disbelief. Anger. Sadness. Sorrow. More disbelief. Grief. Rage. More sorrow.
The part that guts me comes in the final seconds. John Lennon whispers an offering to his son at the end of his lullaby.
Darling darling darling
Darling Sean
Which, of course, I hear as
Darling darling darling
Darling Dom
That seems to be a fitting way to close a series about evoking emotions.
