Age-appropriate chores are honestly the only reason my apartment doesn’t look like a total landfill right now. I’m sitting here on my couch in Queens, still in yesterday’s hoodie because the washer’s been full for three days, staring at a half-eaten bowl of Lucky Charms my seven-year-old “helped” pour this morning—milk everywhere, marshmallows picked out like a tiny serial killer. And yeah, I let it happen. Because the alternative is me doing every single thing myself and then screaming into a pillow at 9 p.m. like I did last month when I found a soggy waffle under the couch that had been there since, I swear, the Obama administration.
Look, I’m not the Pinterest mom. My chore chart is literally a whiteboard I bought at the dollar store that now has permanent marker ghosts of chores from 2023 because I never erased them. But somehow, someway, getting my kids to do age-appropriate chores has been the one parenting win that actually stuck.
Toddlers: Where It All Goes Sideways (In the Best Way)
With my youngest—who’s three going on thirty—I started with the classics. Put your toys in the bin. Except the bin became a basketball hoop and suddenly Lego bricks are raining from the sky. So I switched tactics. Age-appropriate chores for toddlers in my house now look like:
- Handing me laundry out of the dryer one piece at a time while singing the Paw Patrol theme at full volume
- Wiping the table with a damp rag that somehow ends up on the dog
- Carrying their plastic plate to the sink and yeeting it in like they’re going for a three-pointer
Is it perfect? No. Last week he “dusted” the TV stand with a wet wipe and now everything smells like baby shampoo. Do I care? Nope. Because he beamed like he just cured cancer.
The Elementary School Era: When They Start Talking Back
My middle kid is eight and has opinions. Strong ones. “Folding laundry is boring” — yeah buddy, welcome to adulthood. Age-appropriate chores at this stage got real because I was tired. Like bone-tired, chugging cold coffee at 2 p.m. tired.
So now he:
- Folds his own clothes (they look like they’ve been through a wood chipper, but they’re off my bed)
- Takes the recycling to the curb on Thursday nights (he tried to ride the bin like a skateboard once)
- Feeds the dog (and only overfills the bowl 40% of the time now—incredible progress)
The first time he did the recycling without me reminding him, I almost cried into my Chipotle burrito. Almost.
The Tween: Negotiation Central
My oldest is eleven and suddenly everything is a negotiation. “I’ll unload the dishwasher if you let me stay up till 10.” Bro, no. But also… maybe.
Age-appropriate chores for her now include:
- Loading and starting the dishwasher (she still forgets detergent half the time)
- Cooking once a week—last Tuesday was boxed mac and cheese with frozen peas thrown in “for health.” I ate two bowls.
- Vacuuming her room (which she does while FaceTiming her friend, but the floor gets clean so I’m not asking questions)
There was a solid month where she refused to do anything unless she got paid. I held firm (mostly) and now she just sighs dramatically and does it. Victory tastes like slightly burnt macaroni.
The Ugly Truth Nobody Posts on Instagram
Here’s where I get real: sometimes age-appropriate chores make everything worse before it gets better. I’ve had full meltdowns over a crooked bed. I’ve scraped dried oatmeal off the floor at midnight because someone “helped” too enthusiastically. I once paid my kid a dollar to stop helping me cook because the kitchen looked like a crime scene.
But then there are the moments—like when my eight-year-old noticed the trash was full and took it out without being asked, or when the toddler proudly carried his plate to the sink and yelled “I DID IT MOMMY” like he just climbed Everest—and I’m like… okay, this is why we do this.
Outbound Links:-
https://www.healthychildren.org/ – American Academy of Pediatrics page on chores and responsibility
https://developingchild.harvard.edu/ – Harvard Center on the Developing Child (executive function & self-regulation section) https://childmind.org/ – Child Mind Institute article on chores and entitlement
https://www.verywellfamily.com/ – Verywell Family guide to age-appropriate chores
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/childrens-health/in-depth/chores/art-20046585 – Mayo Clinic’s specific article on chores for children
