Hey. Decoding toddler behavior is honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I once parallel parked a minivan in San Francisco during Pride weekend on three hours sleep. My son Jax is two-and-three-quarters (he insists on the three-quarters, screams if you round up), and right now, as I type this at 5:47 a.m. in my dark living room in Austin, Texas, he’s asleep upstairs with one second away from yeeting himself out of the crib like a tiny Navy SEAL because the moon moved and that’s apparently unacceptable.
Yesterday we had a full meltdown in the Target dollar spot because the cart made a squeaky noise and that noise personally offended his soul. He went full exorcist — back arched, screaming “NO SQUEAKY NO SQUEAKY” while strangers gave me that half-smile that’s 10% sympathy, 90% thank-god-that’s-not-my-kid-today. I just crouched down in the aisle, let him hit me in the face three times (gentle parenting is wild, y’all), and whispered, “I know, baby, the squeaky is total bullshit.” He stopped, looked at me like I finally spoke human, and said, “Yeah. Bullshit.” Great. New word unlocked.
Why Decoding Toddler Behavior Feels Impossible Some Days (And Why That’s Okay)
Look, I read all the books. I follow the Instagram experts who have toddlers that sit calmly eating avocado roses. My kid eats exactly three foods and one of them is Goldfish he finds under the couch. Decoding toddler behavior isn’t about perfection; it’s about survival and not losing your damn mind before 9 a.m.
The biggest lightbulb moment for me was realizing tantrums aren’t personal attacks. They’re neurological. Their little brains are literally on fire. Prefrontal cortex? Still under construction till 25, buddy. I wish someone had told me that instead of making me feel like I was failing because I couldn’t “fix” a dysregulated two-year-old with distraction toys and essential oils.
The Stuff That Actually Works (Sometimes Works for Us
- Get low and name the feeling, even if it feels ridiculous: “You’re so mad the banana broke. That sucks.” Works 60% of the time. The other 40% he hits me harder.
- Hand over control in tiny doses: “Do you want to wear the red shoes or the blue shoes?” (Never offer barefoot as an option unless you want to be late to everything forever.)
- Have a “yes space” that isn’t your entire house. Ours is the downstairs playroom. He can destroy that room all day. The rest of the house? I will die on that hill.
- Co-regulate like your life depends on it, because it does. Deep sighs, slow breathing, I literally narrate: “Mommy’s taking three big breaths because I’m frustrated too.” He copies me now. It’s creepy and adorable.
The Day I Completely Lost It (And What I Learned)
Last week I yelled. Like full-on scary-mom voice in the parking lot of Whole Foods because he wouldn’t get in the car seat. I hate that version of myself. I cried harder than he did once he was buckled. Called my mom sobbing in the front seat while he sang “Baby Shark” in the back like nothing happened.
Here’s what I learned: toddlers forget in 0.2 seconds. We carry shame for days. We’re the ones haunted. They just need us to repair. So I unbuckled him, hugged him, said, “Mommy yelled and that was wrong. I’m sorry.” He patted my face and said, “It’s okay mommy. You try again.” Stabbed me right in the soul.
Final Rambling Thoughts While My Coffee’s Still Warm(ish)
Decoding toddler behavior is never done. They change every day. Tomorrow everything I wrote will be obsolete because he’ll have a new obsession (right now it’s ceiling fans — don’t ask).
But here’s what I know at 33 in 2025, two toddlers deep (because yes, I have a four-year-old too who’s currently obsessed with asking “why” 478 times per hour): You’re doing better than you think. The fact that you’re reading blogs at 2 a.m. while covered in someone else’s pee means you care. That’s 90% of it.
The other 10%? Coffee, therapy, and the occasional hiding in the pantry eating the good chocolate. You’ve got this. Or we’re both screwed. Either way, we’re in it together. Drop your most unhinged toddler story below — I need to feel less alone before naptime ends in T-12 minutes. P.S. If you want actual science-backed stuff, check these out (these are my ride-or-die resources):
- https://www.janetlansbury.com (unruffled podcast saved me)
- https://biglittlefeelings.com (yes it’s Instagram but their course is legit)
- https://drbeckyatgoodinside.com (her book is on my nightstand permanently)
Now if you’ll excuse me, someone’s awake and yelling “MOMMY MILK MOMMY MILK” from the crib. Duty calls.
