My kids are currently obsessed with tattoos.
Since we saw Disney’s Moana a few weeks ago, we’ve been watching the videos from the soundtrack on endless repeat. The title character ends up on an epic adventure with the demigod Maui (played by Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock) from Polynesian mythology. His skin is covered in traditional tattoos that represent the various legends about him: Pulling fire from the underworld, raising islands out of the ocean with his magical fishing hook, harnessing wind, and giving humans coconuts. Watch the video:
We’ve gotten into a few long, kitchen table chats about the history of tattoos, culture, and personal choices. It’s been interesting because their mom has a tattoo and I don’t. We’ve discussed that, yes, getting tattoos can hurt and some people even choose to cover their whole bodies with tattoos. Or some, like me, have chosen not to get any. (To be fair, I’ve thought about getting one but can’t seem to find the right symbol for me.)
We’ve browsed the internet for tattoos people have of Disney characters, skulls, ancestors, tribal art and more. Yes, some people get them on their butts. Some are meant to be scary, some beautiful, some inappropriate for children — to which my son replied, “I want to see!”
Personal choices over Play-Doh
Which brings us to this morning.
After all this conversation about the deeply personal choices people make over what to do with their bodies, my daughter was quietly playing with Play-Doh when she turned to me and said:
“Dad, does everybody like … have to have a baby?”
She’s 5.
After gathering myself for one of those unexpected conversations we’re never quite prepared for as parents, I did my best to see the sincerity and innocence in her face as she discovered the power of identity, adulthood and freedom. Maybe even taking to heart some of the movie themes in Moana about staying true to yourself.
“No, honey,” I said after a moment of thought, “people usually choose to have kids because they want them. You get to decide that for yourself when you’re a grownup.”
Her reaction was neither positive nor negative. It was Zen. She seemed unmoved but contemplative.
The choice is yours, kid
So I continued to explain, hoping more information would help.
I said if you want to be a gymnastics coach — her current job goal — you may decide that spending time with your students is the most important thing to you. Having children is a lot of work. They always want to eat and have a parent play Play-Doh with them — a slight jab at her begging me to do so earlier.
She considered it for a minute and it was cool. No followup. No signs of distress.
Instead, her response was, “Well, my brother is going to be in space and I’ll be busy.”
With that unfinished thought, perhaps she’d need to give this some further thought in the future.
Her mother was a bit freaked out when I relayed the story to her over lunch. But I found it to be a sweet father-daughter conversation. It was honest and heartfelt and asked out of genuine concern. She was looking to me for answers. Times like these validate why I have chosen to be a stay-at-home parent. Under different circumstances, she’d have gotten a different answer from a different person. Instead, that few seconds of dialogue may influence her future and life philosophy on complex, mysterious topics like procreation.
It makes me happy that I’m there to help be the one to prepare her for whatever person she is going to one day become. I hope she realizes the correct answer to the question is: Be whoever you want to be.
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This post was originally published on Kyle’s blog, Newfangled Dad, in 2016 then on our defunct Chicago Dads Group blog. It is part of the #NoDadAlone campaign. Fathering Together/City Dads Group, the National At-Home Dad Network, and Fathers Eve are joining forces to amplify messages that help dads recognize we are not alone! Follow #NoDadAlone on Instagram, and learn more at NoDadAlone.com.
Photo by cottonbro studio via Pexels.
