Okay, real talk, positive discipline strategies are the only reason I’m not hiding in my pantry eating Goldfish straight from the box every single night. I’m literally typing this while my five-year-old is “quietly” banging a pot with a spoon in the kitchen because apparently 6 PM is concert hour in this house. The floor’s sticky, there’s a random sock on the ceiling fan (don’t ask), and I still have yesterday’s mascara smudged under my eyes. Glamorous, right?
I didn’t grow up with this stuff. My mom was the “because I said so” queen and the wooden spoon lived on top of the fridge like a loaded gun. When I had my first kid I swore I’d never be that parent… then day three of no sleep happened and I turned into my mother faster than you can say “timeout.” The guilt was brutal. Like, ugly-cry-in-the-shower-while-the-baby-naps brutal.
Then I stumbled across positive discipline strategies on some random mommy Facebook group at 2 AM and figured, eh, can’t be worse than what I’m doing. Spoiler: it was. At first. Because I sucked at it. Hard.
That Time I Totally Botched Positive Discipline Strategies and My Kid Called Me Out
So picture this: we’re at Target. Of course we’re at Target. My three-year-old wants every single toy in the dollar section and when I say no, he flops on the floor like he’s auditioning for a dramatic death scene. Old me would’ve hissed threats through clenched teeth. New me kneels down, tries the whole “I see you’re upset, it’s hard when we can’t have everything” spiel… except I said it in the fakest calm voice known to man while my eye was literally twitching.
He looks up, snot bubbling, and goes, “Mommy, why are you talking like Daniel Tiger? You sound weird.” The teenage cashier lost it. I wanted to evaporate. That was the moment I realized positive discipline strategies don’t work if you’re just cosplaying as a chill parent while secretly plotting your escape to Mexico.
The Stuff That Actually Works When You’re Too Tired to Adult
Here’s what finally clicked for me, no fake zen voice required:
- I stopped trying to be perfect at it. Like, I literally say out loud, “Mommy’s learning too, this is new for both of us.” Kids smell inauthenticity like sharks smell blood.
- “Sportscasting” the meltdown instead of fixing it. “You’re mad because I won’t let you eat marshmallows for dinner. You’re kicking the couch. You’re really really mad.” Sounds stupid. Works stupidly well.
- Repair over shame. I screw up and yell at least twice a week. But now I circle back: “I’m sorry I yelled about the Legos. I was frustrated and that wasn’t fair.” My seven-year-old now does it back to me when he loses his shit. Wild.
Here, Janet Lansbury’s blog basically raised my kids better than I did in 2020 (still does some days): https://www.janetlansbury.com
The Day I Realized Positive Discipline Strategies Were Actually Working
Last week my kindergartener got in trouble at school for pushing. Old me would’ve grounded him from everything fun until he was 35. Instead we sat on the floor (there were Goldfish crumbs in my butt crack, whatever) and I asked, “What do you think would help next time you feel that mad?” He thought about it, dead serious, and said, “Maybe I could ask the teacher for a squeeze ball instead of pushing Jason.”
I almost cried into my cold coffee. Because that tiny human just problem-solved his own feelings. I didn’t do that. The positive discipline strategies we’ve been muddling through for two years did that.
Look, It’s Still a Total Sh*tshow Sometimes
Don’t get it twisted, my house is still loud, there’s still pee on the bathroom floor, and yesterday I bribed them with popsicles to stop fighting over who gets to hold the TV remote. Positive discipline strategies didn’t turn me into some Instagram Montessori mom with a capsule wardrobe and homemade playdough. I’m still the mom who forgets library day and accidentally swears in front of the kids at least once a day.
